2013 Best Tweets and “Breast” Wishes for the New Year

2013 Best Tweets and “Breast” Wishes for the New Year

Up until now, I’ve resisted joining the Twitter bandwagon. Call me old fashioned, but I really didn’t care to know every activity and every thought (“at the store, getting the kids, wiping my a**, hate my job, she’s a B”) from random people.  Thankfully, it appears Twitter has evolved beyond these banal tweets, and is more than just the venue for teen idols to perpetuate teen angst (yes, I’m referring to all you Beliebers).  Twitter has now become a primary means of communication for millions, and it is evolving into a legitimate media source – well, almost.  So, I recently joined the twitterverse @jaelynnrangel.  To celebrate I’d like to share some of the best tweets I’ve come across.

Drunken “breast” tweets from Miley Cyrus

I had only intended to include one tweet about Miley Cyrus that I found amusing…

Not sure if I just saw Miley Cyrus’ video for Wrecking Ball or a risqué Home Depot commercial.  @kingsleyyy

…but, ooops, she did it again (sorry, wrong pop queen reference). Cyrus recently took to twitter posting not one, but two holiday shockers.  I’m going to skip her most recent, a “holiday card” posted yesterday depicting drunken Miley on top of a drunken Santa, and give you the controversial photo Cyrus posted on December 14, in which, as Perez Hilton puts it, she offers us her “breast” Christmas wishes along with this tweet:

Source: Twitter

Source: Twitter

 

Merry Christmas THANK YOU NY for being one of the few states to @freethenipple.  @MileyCyrus

In her defense, “Free the Nipple” is a documentary supported by Cyrus which explores censorship in America and is set to be released in 2014.

Enough of that, here are some of the best, and funniest, holiday tweets

Thanks to autocorrect 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this year.  @LadybugLise

I hope my children live one day to see the first female Santa  @saraschaefer1

You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I’m tellin you why: you’re 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little sh*t   @DaveChapelle_

Santa may or may not be white, but with his obesity problem he’s definitely American   @ElizaBayne

Last year I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever…I woke up in a box  @EllenDegenres

And my favorite holiday tweets…

My performance in “I’m so sad I can’t make it to your Christmas Party” is already generating Oscar buzz.  @RobinMcCauley

Tis the season (to sign your emails “happy holidaze” then wonder what’s happening to you and if longterm stress has rotted your brain)  @lenadunham

All those things I was going to do “after the first of the year”… Does this mean I have to do them now?  @OfficiallyAlly

I am delighted to say that 2012 was the year I stopped being polite and started getting real. @jenstatsky

Frustrated with technology? You’ll appreciate these tweets

Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a punctuation mark, a gang sign, an extinct mammal and a hieroglyph.  @StephBWright

My phone is broken. I can text fine and all the apps work. I just can’t make or receive calls. Actually, never mind, my phone is perfect.  @Kendragarden

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they truly are  @WhitneyCummings

My phone autocorrects “haven’t left the house yet, still in a bathrobe, looking at Facebook” to “on my way.”  @AlisonLeiby

Deactivating your Facebook is the new “I don’t even HAVE a TV.”  @annabeloakes

And my personal favorites….

I will always be grateful Instagram did not exist while I was in college.  @erinmallorylong

Do not call me when I am texting you.  @JenKirkman

Girl power! Best tweets for women

Well behaved women rarely make browser history.  @SuperApple8

I bet the Catholic church would feel different about birth control if little boys could get pregnant.  @imandyhaynes

When a woman is a nominee for President, will her husband give a speech about how much he loves her? And will he shout, “I love men!”?  @susanorlean

When two women run for president someday, if their husbands aren’t forced into a “car repair contest” I will find that PRETTY fishy  @KTHeaney

Hey Young Girls, if you like someone introduce them to your mind first, then heart, then body. You’ll be stronger and happier no matter what  @perlapell

Being happy with all you have is much nicer than unhappily proving you can have it all. @AnaGasteyer

So difficult balancing career & family when this hung over. When they said I could “have it all” I thought they were talking about the rosé.  @jezebel_tracie

The very best tweet for women…

I’ll have what HE’S having! (20% higher income, on average + global reproductive freedom, pretty much). @MeganNeuringer

And, just because they’re fun

I can’t relate to you until I know what’s wrong with you   @sharstarlene

My favorite co-worker just spoke to me for the first time. Now in the process of finding a new favorite.  @charpiecomedy

Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.  @SamGrittner

You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she’s probably not into you.  @Bacon_Ball

Me judging a stranger, “I can’t believe that lady went out wearing a shirt that says MILF.” Then she took off her coat. Oh, it says SMILE.  @AmandaCaswell

You can find more entertaining tweets on Huffington Post’s Funniest Tweets From Women.  Has someone sent you a funny or inspiring tweet?  Retweet it to @AskAjna, post it on our Facebook or share in the comments.

Marian and I are taking a blogging break for the holidays, but we’ll be back in the New Year.  On behalf of all of those supporting Ask Ajna, I wish you Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas!

[credit name=”Kjpargeter” nurl=”http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-167511098/stock-photo–d-render-of-new-year-wrecking-ball.html?src=xqKHvKlYs5zfxAtpP-ucJw-2-81″ via=”shutterstock” vurl=”http://shutterstock.com” license=”TOS” lurl=”http://www.shutterstock.com/licensing.mhtml”]

Passionate advocate for the advancement and empowerment of women. Prior HR exec and co-founder of Ask Ajna - helping women find their voice in the workplace.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

*